@KatieBurnett: To the guy who turned the entire first floor of his house into a giant ball pit - I will find you, and I will marry you
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@InternetHippo: SCIENTISTS: We've discovered a massive black hole with no obvious qualities ME: Ok wow I'm right here
@thelaurenobrien: Sometimes when I'm in the shower I'll hear a strange noise and start singing EXTRA good in case the intruder has some connections.
@causticbob: Why do sanitary towel adverts always feature a liquid which is blue? Are aliens their primary customers?
@jonnysun: [throwes some foam packing peanuts into a pond] "HEY! NO LITERING--" shh wait [a flock of rubber duckies float over squeaking excitedley]