@onascaleof1210: To the person crowding me in the checkout line, do you want a hug .. 'cause if you get any closer, I'm gonna assume you do and give you one.
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@TheAlexNevil: *me, at high school prom Me: So, you wanna dance? Her: Definitely! M: Can you tell me why?
@mikejanson2: Q: How do you find Will Smith in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints! I'll show myself out y'all
@bug_deal: the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it’s full of skeletons now