@McNevich: If there's a pistachio that's difficult to open, I'll just move right on to another because life is short and so is my god damn temper

@mrtruthandsoul: [3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy.

@AdamOfEarth: January 29, 1802, 2 AM: I hope this letter finds you well. Are you up? March 2: I am, good sir April 6: Would you kindly come over? May 9: K

@w00f_w00f: Couldn't remember the girl's name from last night so I brought her to Starbucks.

@Reverend_Scott: If you watch the movie Twister backwards it's the story of friendly tornados saving lives, rebuilding destroyed towns and playing with cows.