@AimeeHelene1: To the person that put "SMILE" as their name on the printer... I will not!! In fact, I will hunt you down and force you to watch me frown.
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@BeardedSteel: Cat: Lame. Just lame. Me: Shut up. Not everyone goes out Friday nights u know. Cat: Leave extra food out. Im bringing a girl home. Me: ...ok
@Darlainky: *asks family what they want from the grocery, no one says a word* {in checkout lane} *receives 4 separate food request texts from family*
@NurseMurderer: Twitter is kinda like my diary except I don't use a glitter gel pen or tell you guys how much I miss Josh.
@Playing_Dad: [Alien abduction] Me: What's it like on your planet? Alien: Very barren, desolate Me: But no politics? Alien: No Me: Ok, let's go
@DurtMcHurtt: [job interview] What are your strengths? Me: inventing special occasions. Is that even a *I interrupt him with a happy cereal day song*
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