@Phoebetate: To the squirrel carrying the mushroom up a tree to his nest: you may want to eat that with your feet firmly on the ground, buddy.
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@causticbob: The kidnapper rang and said "£10,000 and you get your wife back" "Negotiate with him!" advised the policeman "£20,000 and she's all yours"
@tastefactory: [on plane] Me: It's ok, more ppl are killed by hippos than by plane crashes Pilot: This is your captain speaking, I'm a hippo btw Me: Nooooo