@LuvPug: To the twenty something year old girls who think forty something year old women are jealous of them- enjoy your next 240 periods!
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@JasonLastname: Sitting here at Starbucks, everyone looking at their phones and only one person's noticed mine's a calculator.
@PaulyPeligroso: They call Japan the "Land of the Rising Sun". Is that why they look like they're squinting all the time?
@badbanana: "And to my son Ronald, I leave my entire collection of mint-condition, never-been-opened LinkedIn Updates emails."