@junejuly12: To the woman who just honked at me to leave this parking spot, I suddenly have dozens of urgent emails to respond to.
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@PastorBate: Dear diary, Sometimes it just seems like I can't tell if something is an inanimate object or a person My therapist: Yes that's quite clear
@yerpalmildsauce: *ring ring* *answers the burrito* Hello? ... I'm sorry, I can't hear you, you called my burrito instead of my phone idk how but you did.
@shutupmikeginn: "Oh, you're left handed?" - people who see me writing with my left hand, curious if I'm just doing it for show