@nolifecoach: To the woman with the screaming kids in Walmart: If you're wondering how the condoms got in your cart....You're welcome
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@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*
@TheCatWhisprer: [pulling the casket a few inches away from the wall during a funeral] sorry just need to plug in my phone for a minute
@skullpuppy11: The worst part of seeing a spider in the shower was the way it covered it's eyes when it saw me.