@Pundamentalism: To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.
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@JamieGreenlees: A colleague asked me "what's wrong?", and that's a month of her life she won't get back!
@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there
@goldengateblond: Just congratulated my ex on dating someone so young that her Throwback Thursday photos are just pictures of her pregnant mom. I'm a dream.