@Pundamentalism: To whoever stole my thesaurus, you made my day bad. I hope bad things happen to you. You're a bad person.
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@PerfectPending: Watching tv with 4 and now he knows the word crescent. All I learned as a kid was how hard to hit a cat with a frying pan without killing it
@JosephScrimshaw: Actually Frankenstein was the name of the scientist. I, the person correcting you on this trivial point, am the monster.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: The gal in front of me on this flight didn't enjoy me stroking her forehead after she reclined into my lap. Thought we were having a moment.
@gorrdano: McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.