@plantandmineral: today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle
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@serialmatrix: God: sends you to hell for aborting your 'child'.nGod: killed his only son.nAnd that, ladies & gentlemen, is religion in a nutshell.
@ericsshadow: If being successful was an amusement park, I'm the kid that drove his bumper car in the corner and can't get out.
@ThingsJackDigs: Barista: got a latte for “Batman”! Is there a “Batman” here? *everyone looks at me* Me [dressed as Batman]: that's not me, my name is Jack