@plantandmineral: today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle
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@rudy_mustang: Genie: you have three wishes Me: ok i wish "three" meant 1000 Genie: it's done. you have two wishes left Me: wait i wish "two" meant 1000
@ch000ch: me: siri, clear my evening appointments, i've got a date tonight. siri: "lol yeah ok. beep boop beep. gotcha."
@panmidwest: BOSS: quit listening to Vanilla Ice, participate in the meeting, and pay attention ME: so… stop, collaborate, and listen? BOSS: you're fired
@CrystalMoon214: Am I the only one who gives people in my neighborhood names they don't know they have? a.k.a. "Running Man","Mustang Bob", "Blue truck dude"