@plantandmineral: today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle
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@ashmensch: If you want my body and you think I'm sexy, please stop buying your prescription glasses at Walmart.
@joe_binkley: Dad: My head hurts, it feels like wrongdad. Son: What's wrongdad? Dad: I told you, my head hurts. Son: This is why mom left.
@Jason_Horton: When the DJ asks if we are ready to party I sometimes lie & say yes even though I really need like 10 min to get ready