@plantandmineral: today a 6 yr old girl asked me if butterflies are flowers that escaped & i was like yo what is yr twitter handle
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@dinnersruined: DATE: *sighs* You said you were a professional body builder. ME: I am! I make prosthetics. Ha ha! And funny jokes! Wait where are you going?
@kDuncanG: Knuckle Tattoo Idea: * L I V I N G T O O C L O S E T O N U C L E A R W A S T E H A S D I S F I G U R E D M Y B O D Y K I L L M E *
@markhoppus: For class, my son had to create his own mythological god. He created Chillux, the god of relaxation, whose house is full of hammocks.
@iGreenMonk: If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.