@rockstarfish: Today, coworker deemed herself "unscareable". Now I have no choice but to hide in the backseat of her car with an axe & correct her grammar.
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@RBColl: I wonder why call them backup vocals. Was there ever a time the lead fainted and the backup took over the mic and the show went on as usual?
@bobvulfov: LAWYER: ur dad's estate— ME: who called it executing a will instead of splittin heirs L: he said if u made a dumb joke u get nothing M: shit
@Storminika: During labour, nurse came up to me & said, 'How about Epidural Anesthesia?' I was like, 'Thanks, but I already picked a name.