@LuvPug: Today has been approved by both my middle fingers.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Why does the airport entice me and call it a baggage carousel if I'm not allowed to ride on it?
@Carbosly: This guy at my work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas. His name was John.
@jonnysun: last christmas i saved me some plums the very next day you ate them anyway next year to save me from tears i'll eat all my plums for dinner
@KeetPotato: "just get thru the 1st day without them finding out youre an elephant" IT dude: "ok here's your new mouse" [just fkn destroys the place]