@StymieBrewer: Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers.
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@maebemarbles: *grandma climbs into time machine* *shuts the door behind her* MOM NANA IS STUCK IN THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK AGAIN
@noxxhell: When Doves get married in a parallel universe they release screaming humans from the cage.
@MaraWritesStuff: Adele is an amazing singer. The problem is, when one of her songs comes on, everyone else thinks they are, too
@KeetPotato: [interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] "are you shy now" not really