@wesleysnipes: Today I am choosing to stay positive and kind to anyone I encounter today, except vampires.
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@casual_koala: Don't get upset if you hit a lot of red lights on your way to work. You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street.
@Beardson: Cat: Meow Me: Hi Cat: Meoww *picks up cat* Cat: Meowww *puts cat down* Cat: Meowwww *feeds cat* Cat: Meowwwww Me: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
@bazecraze: I'm gonna create chaos in my neighborhood by putting giant bows on all the cars the night before Christmas.
@leechee420: Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.