@wesleysnipes: Today I am choosing to stay positive and kind to anyone I encounter today, except vampires.
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@TheWeirdWorld: The biggest joke of Spongebob is that he can work in a fast food restaurant and still afford to buy a house.
@NewDadNotes: [parking garage] FBI: got the file? Me: [attempts to whistle but spits on Agent] FBI: for the last time that’s not Whistleblowing
@thejakeshenry: I was pretty excited about this box of elbows before I saw that it was only macaroni.