@beliz69: Today, I asked my husband if he would still love me if I was ugly and fat. He answered, "Yes, honey I do."
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@CoolCamel69: wherever this dart lands is where I'll take a trip to *throws dart and it lands on Hogwarts poster* oh, well this is going to be difficult
@goldengateblond: OBAMA: I want to close Gitmo GOP: no OBAMA: But you haven't even— GOP: no OBAMA: ... GOP: no OBAMA: I'm resigning GOP: no OBAMA: haha gotcha
@shesananteater: I need to get a car wash but my dogs' nose smudges on the back window appear to be forming a word so I'm gonna let that play out first.
@CulturedRuffian: 1985: "I hope we'll have flying cars in the future!" 2017: "I just used the flashlight on my cell phone to look for spiders under my bed."