@GoodBadThing: Today I broke my personal best record of most consecutive days alive.
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@QwertyJones3: Marathon runner: I think we're lost. Why does that sign say Grand Canyon? Are you sure this is the right way? Lemming: Just trust me, ok?
@PyrBliss: The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that's not a risk I'm willing to take.
@swiftenhaal: Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat and then I remember they just feed off attention.
@batkaren: Deep in the black void where my heart once beat, there lies a small, glowing ember-- oh wait no that's a Cheeto.