@GoodBadThing: Today I broke my personal best record of most consecutive days alive.
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@hell_homer: kicked out of church. I yelled "YEAH WE "HAVE A MARIA", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
@markydoodoo: Ever try spreading really cold butter on toast? I'm like the human version of that.
@TheRealRHB: Paid $50 for a device that has a motion detector that emits a sound to scare off neighbor's cat....she's out there rubbing up against it now
@jakob_huber: I feel bad for tailgating this minivan so closely but once I started watching Kung Fu Panda on his back seat TV I had to see it through.