@meganamram: Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote "blackbird" about Batman
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@jwoodham: DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.
@daemonic3: [1st date] "My birthday is on April 20th, so 4/20. Isn't that cool? When's yours?" Oh, umm *sweating* Sextember 69th
@KarenKilgariff: Watch The Walking Dead with someone who's super into it so every time a zombie appears you can pull the old, "Wait, who's this now?"
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] "No, no his nose was a bit more avant-garde than that. His eyes suggested he'd lost a ladder."