@meganamram: Today i convinced my brother for a full minute that the Beatles wrote "blackbird" about Batman
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@jeremysmiles: So many homophobes turn out to be secretly gay that I'm nervous I'm secretly a giant spider
@McGrumpenstein: Archbishop: If anyone objects to this wedding... Prince William: Me! Meghan, I adore you! Prince Harry: Wut?!!! I adore her! Spin Doctors whip out their instruments & huddle together: okay, guys... we've been training for this our whole lives!
@ClichedOut: Chad: But I don't want to advertise escorts or be known for shady stuff. Craig: Then I'll start my own list.
@GrantTanaka: Sometimes I wonder if the ghost in my house thinks he's being haunted by some angry, naked, drunk guy.