@ohheyohhihello: Today I drove through a huge puddle that splashed up under my car and laughed to myself as I whispered, "car bidet."
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@NOTVIKING: [taking long drag from cigarette] if the blackbox can't be destroyed then why don't they just make the whole plane out of the blackbox material flight attendant: you are absolutely not allowed to smoke in here
@ArfMeasures: ME [Puts up "Have u seen my dog?" posters across town] HER: Oh no! You've lost your dog! M: No I just think u should see him. He's awesome
@badbanana: I'll be celebrating my birthday the traditional way, by barging naked into a room full of strangers and crying.