@matt___nelson: [getting escorted out of zoo] "I just wanted to see if the panda knew kung fu like in the movie"

@daemonic3: "I literally can't even!" -- White girl hanging a picture

@MollySneed: [first date] I just love that you are a normal, cool girl. *subtly slides macaroni art of your face back under my chair* -Yeah, totally.

@abbycohenwl: Watch me get this baby up to 90 miles per hour! - inventor of the baby catapult minutes before he was arrested

@mattytalks: Funny that Lebron couldn't even finish a game due to cramps when RoboCop saved all of Detroit without even having his own legs