@Cavspc: Today I have been sober for 100 days.
Not, like, in a row or anything. Just in total.
@SamuelHLowe: She invited me over for a romantic dinner and told me I was the dessert.
I wanted ice cream.
@Tharin_P: How often do I think about Keira? Knightley.
@That_Damn_Duck: I don't have a mental problem, I have mental problems...plural.
@imadepoopstoday: "Hey Daddy!!! Watch what I can do!!" - aaaaaaaaand hospital.
@Book_Krazy: OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL!
Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea