@bush_piglet: Today I have learnt - if you try and give someone the finger whilst wearing mittens, you are basically just showing them your mittens.
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@mojo_bones_: I take pictures of my weed because they say the camera adds 10 pounds.
@OtherDanOBrien: THERAPIST: Anyways— ME: "Anyways" isn't a word. You mean "anyway" THERAPIST: ANYWAY, we were talking about your difficulty making friends
@dataisplural: *gets caught kissing an optical illusion* it's not what it looks like!
@RexHuppke: When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out." Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
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