@idigcrazychics: You can't boss me around until you're older than the whiskey I drink. -subtweet to my GF

@bobvulfov: *couple's marriage begins to fall apart* *marriage counselor blows on them like an N64 cartridge* Okay how about now

@KThonvold: People who genetically engineer food, why don't you make celery that tastes like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups? I bet that would shut people up

@TheCatWhisprer: Trying this hot water diet where you drink a cup of hot water in the morning but so far all I've done is burn my tongue and eat 7 donuts.

@: a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:"user";s:13:"TayTayJustine";s:5:"image";s:90:"http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3464513650/8434f29ff782c7cf7b8a53156d6198f0_bigger.jpeg";s:6:"id_str";s:18:"324575973150453761";s:7:"retweet";s:2:"62";s:5:"tweet";s:139:"Shouldn't've left me alone w/your no-eyebrow-havin baby. *Pulls out Sharpie* *Squiggles on a surprised look* See! She's happy to see you.";}s:7:"retweet";i:0;}