@aka_fatman: I start undressing you with my eyes. About halfway through, your zipper gets caught on my cornea and I start screaming in agony.

@Pro_Jones_: (NASA) HQ: Good launch everyone. Astronaut: Uhh what's that buzzing noise? NASA Prankster: Definitely rocket noise and not bees.

@just1fool: Apparently there's this Pokemon character that's a pile of garbage with a face so now I'm famous I guess.

@animaldrumss: To those out there who have accused me of selling out, of abandoning my beliefs and values to climb the social ladder: uh... yeah. yes.

@AntDiPalma: A religious family member literally said "Spongebob goes too far sometimes" and I can not stop laughing.