@GrantTanaka: when the doctor starts putting on latex gloves at your next physical, a fun thing to do is to whip out your own pair & put them on too

@kumailn: And on the 8th day, He said "Oh I'll make carbs delicious AND fattening LOL!"

@iGreenMonk: If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

@CelebrityChez: A seahorse walks into a bar and dies immediately.

@nappydolemite: I've been sucking on this Jolly Rancher for an hour. He was just a rancher when I started.