@NyAdas: Today I learned the hard way if you over-pluck your eyebrows everyone thinks you're interested in what they are saying
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@oakhillbargrill: That tweet is awesome. You guys are awesome. Twitter is awesome. I've made awesome friends on Twitter. A thesaurus would be awesome.
@Piecezilla: My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.
@kirbys4losers: I'd rather be with a man who blows his load too soon rather than starts singing too soon in a song. How embarrassing for both of us.