@leshnevsky: Today I played dead with my 5yo nephew. He cried for 5 seconds, then grabbed my iPhone and run away.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: No thanks, babies. If I'm going to let something inside of my body that's going to destroy my figure, it'll be cheese, bread and booze.
@bobvulfov: [hunting] DAD: dont scare him ME: did u know we dump 16 tons of sewage into our waters every minute DEER: holy shit DAD: what did i just say
@chuuew: "Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?" "Go on then" "NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" "That's Superman" "Thanks, I've been practicing."