@causticbob: Today. I. Realized. That. Typing. Like. This. Doesn't. Make. Your. Point. Stronger. It. Makes. You. Look. Like. Your. Computer. Has. Asthma
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@peeznuts: *standing behind home plate* -Beware of my dog-like reflexes. -Shouldn't it be cat-like reflexes? *catches baseball with my face*
@ShaeAaron: I just sent a text that says "we really need to talk" to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today.
@heykarlin: I feel bad for the children of Vegans because no one gets found when their picture's on the back of unsweetened organic almond milk.