@RideSallyRide69: Today I was on the treadmill for over an hour. I was so pleased with my progress that tomorrow I might actually turn it on
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@TheMichaelRock: HR: You can't urinate outside. Me: Then how will we keep the jellyfish away? HR: Can you take a drug test? Me: Nope, I'm all out of urine
@TheTweetOfGod: On one hand, eating meat is bad for your body, bad for animals and bad for the earth. On the other hand, bacon.
@AnkCoupleTO: [she comes home with a doggy bag] Her: Here, boy, I have a treat for you *sounds of the dog & I fighting to the death*
@AntiSemanticShw: In my life Ive spent 90% of my money on drugs, drinking and women. The other 10% I wasted.