@karencheee: Today I watched a meteor shower until it angrily pulled the curtains closed and yelled at me to stop peeping.
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@KentWGraham: I wish my wife was one of those government agents who aren’t allowed to talk about what they did at work all day.
@GrowlyGrego: Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor "Have you ever turned down heroin?" Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
@IamEnidColeslaw: if Lindsay Lohan can call herself an artist, I can call myself a german shepherd
@Token_Geezer: Apparently, the sonogram machine is to see unborn babies in the womb I thought it was for making you age 10 years. Instantly