@TheTweetOfGod: Today is National Girlfriend's Day. But it will never be National Marriage Day. The calendar's just not ready for that kind of commitment.
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@seriouslyemily: I like my men like I like my packets of instant oatmeal: Chunky and knowledgeable with facts about dinosaurs."
@Ant_F3ltz: Little known fact: If you ride any animal in the zoo for more than 30 seconds... it's yours to keep.
@briangaar: DID YOU KNOW: If you don't eat animal products, you will take it out on everyone else forever?
@ChipKellysBalls: If you look in the mirror & say "pumpkin spice latte" 3x a white suburban girl will appear & tell you everything she loves about the fall