@TheBoydP: Today is national pet day. There is no touching of people in national pet day. I know this now.
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@Kyle_Lippert: I'm such a disaster that 9/11 and The Titanic would go out on a date together and watch a movie about me.
@sixfootcandy: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: [stops painting nails] Nope. What's up?
@ericonederful: Fellas, If you kill a spider while you're at her place, congratulations. You will be having sex. P.S. Bring a spider.