@TheBoydP: Today is national pet day. There is no touching of people in national pet day. I know this now.
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@XplodingUnicorn: I saw Mommy kissing Santa Claus. Then I saw her arguing with him about money. Now I see Santa drinking by himself.
@noog: You god damn morons. All these celebrity nudes were leaked by the Illuminati to distract us from important shit like karate and hoverboards.
@causticbob: If my iPod doesn't work in the next few minutes, I'm throwing it in the river. It can either sync or swim.