@TheBoydP: Today is national pet day. There is no touching of people in national pet day. I know this now.
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@SamuelHLowe: Aliens must know that we're an easily conquerable race if they've ever seen us try to cancel a printer job.
@shopkins776: I never make New Year's resolutions. I just carry the ones over from the previous year and add "This time I'm serious"
@JennyJohnsonHi5: How do you tell your spouse you were fired from SpaghettiOs for honoring Pearl Harbor Day with a smiling cartoon noodle holding a flag?