@TheBoydP: Today is national pet day. There is no touching of people in national pet day. I know this now.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jackmackenroth: I was out with my bf and a waiter called me a 'cradle robber' cuz he's 18 and I'm 43. Totally ruined our 10th anniversary.
@Vice_Queen: Sorry for loudly singing "Whoomp there it is!" when you took your pants off. It's been a while.
@AndyAsAdjective: Uncle Frank's will stipulates he be cremated & his ashes added to the vegetable water sprayers at the local grocery store. He will be mist.
@sixthformpoet: Charlie And The Chocolate Factory is my favourite book about a weird guy who murders four children then convinces another to live with him.