@TheTweetOfGod: Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@imdaintyaf: Hub: You ready to go? Me: In a minute, I'm beating the kids. [Cut to me just decimating the kids at Mario Kart]
@krisv_723: Plot twist: I knock on Jehovah's Witnesses doors. "I'd like to talk to you about modern science "