@TheTweetOfGod: Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up.
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@lemonmartinis: Whenever I select next-day delivery for an online purchase, I imagine someone, somewhere, yells CRAP really loud then people scurry like mad
@KevinFarzad: According to tinder, every guy is at a lake holding a fish & every girl is on top of a mountain & that's why it's so tragically hard to meet
@SSDated: You're only as awkward as you say you are...out loud...in front of people...who were in a private conversation...that didn't involve you.