@neiltyson: Today is the first New Moon after Jan 21sr. Happy New Year to Chinese people and all who choose to be Chinese for a day.
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@weinerdog4life: The date was going great until she spooked me and then I squirted her with ink and quickly swam away
@WilliamAder: If you get a gift from me, there may or may not be a pair of scissors between the wrapping and the gift. I'm gonna need those back.
@JohnLemongrab: "open up, this is the police!" "well, I've felt alone since my girlfriend left me, I'm sad all the time-" "no the door open up the door"
@ch000ch: i was doing yard work today when i stopped to tell a pile of leaves how cold fusion works. needless to say they were blown away.