@stonedcoldlazy: Today marks 5 yrs of being smoke free!! Now I spend my time finding new places to hide the bodies of those who've pissed me off!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@NotChuckBarkley: First white Muslims in Boston, now a 7'0" gay black pro athlete. Narrow-minded conservatives everywhere are having a very confusing month.
@EJGomez: bicycle cop: im taking you to jail me [sarcastic voice]: should i ride on your pegs or walk next to you [segway cop just dying laughing]
@goldengateblond: There's a crying baby on my bus and I'm all "shut up baby, you're not the one going to work."