@cambuslad: Today Mother phoned asked me what I was doing . I said I was on Google maps and looking at her house .She asked if I could see her waving .
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@ArfMeasures: DENTIST: I need to test how sensitive you are ME: Ok DENTIST: You have a stupid haircut ME *lip starts trembling* DENTIST: I see
@buckweiser13: I've been driving with a coca cola can stuck in snow on the roof of my car for a week cuz 7 thinks it makes us cops. Stare all you want.
@junejuly12: [on phone] Of course I trust you, babe. Always. *searches Amazon for mini spycams with 1-day shipping*
@jonnysun: museum guide: america was founded on july 4, 1776 me: [nodding sagely] ah yes so its a Cancer. this explains everythig