@cambuslad: Today Mother phoned asked me what I was doing . I said I was on Google maps and looking at her house .She asked if I could see her waving .
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@WindPushedGrass: 'Is this spicy?' 'Is this spicy?' 'Is this spicy?' 'Is this spicy?' 'Is this spicy?' 'Is this spicy?' - White people at Indian Buffets
@SondraDeeMe: [in bed] BF: Why are you scared? ME: Cuz your Mom's here BF: She's not bad *Mom hands me pregnancy test* This better be positive by sunrise
@EvanJKessler: Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you're not being arrested?
@JoParkerBear: [shower song] Im all outta Dove Im soapless without you I'll never get clean Now that you are all gone *grabs shampoo mic* IM ALL OUTTA DOVE