@WheelTod: Today my 6yo said it was good it's snowing, as that means the earth isn't getting hotter, and tonight she starts as an anchor on Fox News.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Wife: Heading up to bed *winks* [30 min later] Wife: ...where is he? Me: (laying perfectly still in floral camo that matches the sheets)
@_ElvishPresley_: ME: if you're really a psychic then how many bagel bites do I have in my pockets PSYCHIATRIST: I said I was a psychiat-- ME: nope 67
@heapsOhate: *finds own number on a bathroom stall* Call for a good time!? This is outrageous! *crosses out good; writes in GREAT* There. Fixed.