@TheMichaelRock: Today my boss will learn that I am nowhere near mature enough to be left alone with a label maker.
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@see_more13: At the store & asked for 50 condoms. 2 girls behind me started laughing. I turned around & looked them in the eyes and said, "Make it 52"
@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.
@HeMightBeJason: Grabbed Pizza Roll. Thought "my god that is so hot it's burning my fingers" and immediately popped it in my mouth. I'm a goddamn genius.