@TheSharona06: Today seems like a good day to wash my hair and take 10 selfies wearing 10 different shirts so I can pretend I look human on a regular basis
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@TheCatWhisprer: Hello Darkness, my old frie- *the lights suddenly turn on* oh it's like that now?
@alrightbob: "Don't move or she's dead" was the last thing the wife heard before the husband started tap dancing.
@lecalabara: Wanna know the secret to a good marriage? Sleep. Cant do anything wrong while sleeping. Unless you talk in your sleep, then youre dead.