@DulmesKenzie: Today this guy was trying to find his wife in Fred Meyer and he yelled “marco” and she yelled back “polo” and he looks at me and says “that came from the wine section didn’t it” and oh my god I think I just saw my actual future.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Tour of an olive oil factory] Guide: This is where we squash the olives. [Tour of a baby oil factory] Guide: You don't want to go in there
@AbbieEvansXO: Angel: hey God the humans are doing another sacrifice for you God: [sitting in a sea of goats] it's not another goat is it
@heatherlou_: I'm not flirting with you. I'm just nice. Get over yourself. Except you. You get under me.
@funnol: sure you can PAY for a professional photographer, OR you can just lie spread out in a field until 1 finds u and just starts taking pictures