@AaronFullerton: "Today's special is a grilled Chilean sea bass with white wine reduction. We recommend Instagramming it with the 1977 or Apollo filters..."
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@blaha_Who: My main goal in life is to become a cooking show judge Mostly because I like to criticize people while I eat
@KenJennings: Before the Internet, I guess I just assumed all my friends knew how to spell "definitely."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: When your friend tells you she's thinking about adopting and you get really disappointed when you find out she means a human.