@smilely_gal: Toddler in our bed last night; it was like sleeping with an octopus on meth.
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@Cheeseboy22: I could never join the army because I'd never be able to figure out what time it is.
@PabloGSerski: Justin Bieber's to be the new face of Calvin Klein. Awful news given he does such a terrible job of being the current face of Justin Bieber.
@just1fool: You know what they say about a man with average sized feet. It's really easy to find shoes for him.