@smilely_gal: Toddler in our bed last night; it was like sleeping with an octopus on meth.
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@robfee: 1 Buy a racehorse 2 Hire a TMZ reporter as the jockey 3 Tell him a minor celebrities is drunk at the finish line 4 Win literally every race
@robfee: Families in horror movies: *A ghost eats the dog* Hmm probably just the wind. Me at night: *floor creaks*THIS PLACE IS HAUNTED BURN IT DOWN
@bidenandobama: Biden: we could call it "Real Talk With Joebama" Obama: do you even know how to make a podcast, Joe?
@reczit: Dear messed-up memory, please tell me where are my keys instead of reminding me that shit I did on May 08, 2002 at 09;13;54 PM.