@iinkedZombie: [toddler saves Michael Cera from drowning]
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@Jennuflect: [taking my final breaths after a freak accident] Tell my family I totes love them *gasping for air* but like, roll your eyes real hard
@Flattliner: I wish my wife was better in bed. <sighs> <disables autocorrect> I wish my WiFi was better in bed.
@ValeeGrrl: Little does the bus driver know, that "I love you" I shout after my kids every morning is for him too.