@Dadpression: Toddler tech support: "Did you try throwing it and crying?"
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@david8hughes: [first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty
@david8hughes: [steps off treadmill] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."