@Dadpression: Toddler tech support: "Did you try throwing it and crying?"
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@phalguy: [At dentist] Dentist: Any plans for the weekend? Nnooiddtrrreeeskllyggfff Dentist: I'm not doing anything either.
@AnOrangeSNES: My password is Superman Hulk Thor Goku, that's the strongest password I can think of.
@XplodingUnicorn: I rank my kids by how many chores they do and how much they complain. My favorite child is the Roomba.