@Dadpression: Toddler tech support: "Did you try throwing it and crying?"
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@ch000ch: woops did i leave both of my bowling trophies in my hands during sex again that's embarrassing
@Token_Geezer: Nah mate, when the Americans talk about football they mean that silly game where the fat men dress up as Transformers
@ClichedOut: *delivers baby* *delivers baby* *delivers baby* *delivers baby* *delivers baby* Nurse 1: I'm exhausted. Nurse 2: I hate Labor Day.
@SteveDutzy: Sometimes I find myself feeling hopeful for the future of the human race but then I remember there are grown men who like My Little Pony.