@McNevich: Accidentally ate a ball of wasabi the size of a marble and now I can smell math

@Reverend_Scott: [interview] "Where you see yourself in 5 years?" Doing your job. "And me?" Jobless and upset about the divorce "OMG" *runs out crying*

@BuckyIsotope: *tries to take off date's bra* If you- *tries again* If- *again* If you would take off the hulk gloves this would be easier *looks up* NEVER

@juliussharpe: My wife bought four grapefruit spoons. You know, for all those times in your life when there are four people eating grapefruit at once.

@Home_Halfway: "How do we spell this pasta?" L "Ok" A "Got it" S "Neat" A "Diggin it" G "What the hell" N "Wait" A "I have some questions"