@KevinBuffalo: Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
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@DevilryFun: You can count on your dog to be the first responder when anything or anyone drops to the floor.
@Ygrene: [first date] DATE: so you love dogs? ME: yes, I relate to them very much DATE: aww that's swee- [a fly buzzes my head and I try to bite it]
@slimmy_shady: Homeless man asked me if I could 'spare some change'. I told him 'change comes from within'. Long story short, I'm missing a kidney.