@CroweJam: Told her I'd rather eat laundry than fold it and now I'm having boxers for breakfast.
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@realHamOnWry: After 50 years of failed embargoes and isolation the US is about to unleash its most obnoxious weapon on Cuba to date…the American tourist.
@Kyle_Raney: [hospital] "We found the problem. There's an entire sheep in your stomach." "Is that bahahaad?" "Yes. It's causing some internal bleating."
@SortaBad: Last month my mom asked what "af" meant and I said it meant "like REALLY something" without saying what it stood for