@TallDarkHandsy: Told my 4 yo that his hamster died and that was in heaven with God. 4yo: Why would God want a dead hamster?
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@SirEviscerate: Sorry the edible underwear weren't edible anymore by the time you tried to eat them. It was a long drive to your apartment.
@turtledumplin: When a cop pulls you over, pull out a map and ask them for directions until they forget that they pulled you over. -me, right now
@Izianikapani: I got hooked on Italian food in high school after my dealer sold me a bag of oregano.