@XoMiSsYoX: Told my coworker to shut up or I would slash his tires. He laughed, I laughed. Now I'm by his car with a knife and I can hear sirens. :(
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@Manali_Shetye5: Me: I have to lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise everyday. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet, eat healthy and hit the gym. Me: Is that cake?
@mutedclamor: I thought this hot Egyptian chick was hitting on me but she was just trying to lure me into a pyramid scheme. :(
@NikiWithIssues: Niece: found these handcuffs in your drawer. Me: yea I got arrested once Niece: omg why Me: for going through my aunt's drawers.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: how do you stop yourself from falling all the way to China? GHOST: I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to haunt a different house.