@HatfieldAnne: When you offer me cookies, act surprised when I take one. Declare loudly you’ve never seen me eat dessert before.

@ChipKellysBalls: I'm starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all ...

@NickSwardson: I'm behind 38 episodes of Game of Thrones. I'll just jump in the new season and piece it all together. Should be fine.

@goonxiety: Someone's only cute till they leave one of your texts on read.

@kirstiealley: I thought I found a baby owl today that needed help. He was an adult pigmy owl who let me pick him up then clawed and bit me. He is free now