@patsajak: Told my dog I was feeding him only natural, holistic food. Not sure he could hear me over slurping of water from toilet.
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@TheMichaelRock: Do women know that it's perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
@FierceMess: Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you'll change your mind real quick.
@LousyBastard: I'm sorry I dropped your baby and doubly sorry I nudged it under the crib with my foot so you wouldn't notice.
@OtherDanOBrien: Mugger: Gimme yer wallet & don't do nuthin dumb Me: That's a double negative, my friend. Unlike Romance languages, English - hey, come back