@patsajak: Told my dog I was feeding him only natural, holistic food. Not sure he could hear me over slurping of water from toilet.
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@MollyERA: "IF YOU'RE HAVING KNITTING PROBLEMS I FEEL BAD FOR YOU SON--" "stop rapping, Grandma" "--I GOT 99 PROBLEMS AND A STITCH AIN'T ONE"
@flashember: Wife: Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! Me: Haha funny. [under the mattress] Bed Bug King: TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL *tiny drums bang*
@saladinahmed: hey I just met you and this is crazy but I'm going to argue with another stranger in your mentions for hours maybe