@Douchekevin: Told my girlfriend she should scream out 'my god you're huge'!! at her gynaecologist appointment to freak out the others in the waiting room
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@jwoodham: Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That's how this works.
@buhsbaby_baby: Spiderman ruined romance for me. Please don't even think of kissing me unless you're hanging upside down from a building.
@samalmightysam: The difference between pizza and love is that when the pizza ends it doesn't send you subtweets.
@kelkulus: People who complain that my Christmas gifts are "stupid" and "thoughtless" clearly have no idea how hard it is to wrap a pineapple.