@SassMouth8: Told my kid not to touch the floor of the bathroom, so he licked the doorknob instead. The dumb is strong in this one.
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@QwertyJones3: This florist doesn't even know anything about floors, and he's acting like I'm the stupid one!
@JamieLinks: Have decided Twitter is like a good grandma. Makes dirty jokes, complains a lot, corrects your grammar, tells you who has died.
@DaddyJew: [buying college textbooks] That'll be 100 million dollars [returning college textbooks] We can give you half off on this pencil case