@leifromloihi: told my kid to sign my boyfriend's birthday card
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@truegritrumble: ME: I don't know if I'm ready for this...emotionally. CHIPOTLE EMPLOYEE: You have to order something or get out of the line.
@SteveSuckington: I accidentally caught my nuts in a barbed wire fence and now I'm the frontman of a Maroon 5 cover band.
@kelkulus: Fun Christmas Trivia: "Myrrh" is the awkward sound you make when you look at your bank balance on Dec 26th.