@dsmitty62: Told my mom I hit 1200 Twitter followers. She pointed out how my brother owns a house and I'm wanted by several collection agencies. Oh ma!
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@ArfMeasures: [mouse wedding] PHOTOGRAPHER: Oh my God [closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose] Stop. Turning. Round. THERE ISN'T ANY ACTUAL CHEESE
@magicraisin: She said: "I want to have your children." . Me: "They'll be on the first bus in the morning."
@lucky_300: Her: I want to travel the world in the new year Me: I can see the whole universe in your eyes.. Her: I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD OKAY.